the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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