I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
