I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
