I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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