So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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