Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
