Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
