There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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