i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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