Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
