u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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