took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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