he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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