my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
