I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
