my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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