i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
