Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
