I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
