Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
