Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize