i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
