CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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