the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
