There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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