The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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