You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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