Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
