I must be too annoying 4 u.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
