we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
