I wanna passion pit in your ass
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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