I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
