There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize