dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
