Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
