first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize