"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
