Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
