Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize