and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know her cup size but not her name....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
