Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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