I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
