I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
