We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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