Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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