Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
