Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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