this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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