were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
