He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
