At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
