Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
