the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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