My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
