My hand turned me down
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
