I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize