My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I need to calm my uterus...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize