I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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