we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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