yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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