I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
