Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
