Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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