My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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