I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
