hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
