NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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