Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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