when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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