All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
