Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize