Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
