I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
