how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
