How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
