pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
