I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
