Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
