And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
