Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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