You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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