Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
