The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
